It's amazing. As I've started practicing guided meditation, I've been doing it everyday now for 15 minutes for about a week so far, it's like it's been un-packing months of clogged up emotions and thoughts. I've noticed lately that when I find myself faced with a negative emotion, instead of just being stuck right in the middle of it and reacting, I find I am able to remove myself from the center of the problem and ask myself "now, why do I feel this way? What is causing these feelings of unrest?" And then I can much more clearly unpack that one emotion, deal with it, and either embrace it or send it away. The only way I know how to describe the feeling is "Clarity"..to instead of having a crowded room of thoughts and emotions constantly bombarding you, to just have one at a time, that you can deal with and move on. Almost like being in a room with a big Party with lots of loud voices, it can be hard to focus on any one, verses having a cup of coffee with a single friend. My head and my heart feel much more peaceful, and at rest.

If you're struggling with sense of being overwhelmed, burnt out, confused, or have anxiety, I highly recommend that you try GUIDED MEDITATION. You can find all sorts of free videos on YouTube by typing in "guided meditation". Just find a quiet spot to sit, or I like to lay on my bed, pop your headphones in, and relax for 15min. It's pampering for your mind!

I finally figured it out. Never knew how to convey this particular deep seated feeling, but I think it just became clarified. My desire for music does not come from a love for showbiz, fame or praise.... really none of that is motivating enough to me to make me want to write..actually it feels pretty empty...but a desire to speak, to sound my voice, to reconcile the world around me that I see, with the world that I long for it to be. A world of justice, of peace, of respect for humans, plants, and animals.......heaven really..... .......I see the pain of the world everyday, the atrophy, and just hope that in my life, I could leave something of a good trail behind me...that my ripple in this big pond might spur a warmed heart in someone else.. As many of you who may know me, I can tend to have a quiet way at times, and it's mostly cuz I'm just seeing, processing everything, and thinking about it, Man! it can be hard to turn my brain OFF! ...but music, music gives me a voice in this world, a time when people will listen, and I time when I have to be careful with what I say. 

Anyway, this post is getting lengthy, and I believe we all have our own way of bringing something good and relating in this world, something that connects us with others. And I guess I'm just figuring out that MY way.... is music and writing....and that I don't have to feel ashamed about that because even though often times music is a vain industry..it doesn't 

have to be. 

Alright that's it for now!

Walt Whitman seemed to some up the totality of my current feelings (how does he do it!?) in one sentence that I'll leave you with:

"I SOUND MY BARBARIC YAWP OVER THE ROOFS OF THE WORLD."

-W.W.

      It's tricky business finding out who you are and what you should do with your life. 

      I'm learning that it's ok not to have all the answers. You try some things and they fit, and some things you just aren't good at. That's ok. We are all different.

   A lot of my younger years were preoccupied with more pressing matters, and I didn't have as much time to just be messy and figure out who I was, so sometimes I feel late to the game that I'm just now figuring it out, when many people my age (24) are graduated and starting careers and I'm barely starting college. But that's ok, you only have one life. And we're not all dealt the same cards. I did what I needed to do at the time, and I don't regret how I spent that time, trying to be there for my family, even though I still get defensive about it, lol. It was the best investment I've ever made.  

     ...As for now..Moving on to new things can be scary. So deep breath.. Time to move into a new phase of life. And the beat goes on!